June 30, 2008

You were there with me...

Thanks to Lisa of OneGirlieGirl for sharing this song...{{{hugs to you lisa}}}

June 24, 2008


Cycle 2 of chemo was yesterday, that's me with what looks like I'm giving you all peace, which I sincerely do...wish you all PEACE, but my *giggle* intention was to signify cycle #2 of chemo. Like the hat? Kim of Deedaloos made it...but I accessorized it with the flower :p

...it was a long day with my mom at my side. We left at about 7:30 dropped the 3 girls off at Becky's and headed off to Lebanon for lab work, and my protocol testing.

Then a great meeting with Dr. Kaufman he said the lymph nodes are shrinking and the tumor is slighly softer and a little smaller upon measurement.

So I asked him what the percentage is for that fast a response from only one treatment the TAC regime of chemotherapy medications. He replied that it is small....so I told him that it must be all the prayers and most of all God. He laughed...and said it was science...I rebuked him and said God can do all things...with the proper tools.
Psalm 4 :1-8
Answer me when I call to you, O my righteous God.
Give me relief from my distress: be merciful to me and hear my prayer.
How long, O men, will you turn my glory into shame?
How long will you love delusions and seek false gods?
Know that the LORD has set apart the godly for himself: the LORD will hear when I call to him.

Offer right sacrifices and trust in the LORD
Many are asking, "Who can show us any good?"
Let the light of your face shine upon us, O LORD.
You have filled my heart with greater joy than when their grain and new wine abound.
I will lie down and sleep in peace for you alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety.

Dedicated to my husband , may he find the light of the word and always find it in Christ Jesus.
But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it maybe seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God. John 3:20

We then went over the pharmacy for some extra meds and finally to the infusion room by about 1 pm...we got out of there about 4:30 and home by about 6 pm.

We found Sara on the time-out mat and Papa cleaning up spilled milk. The girls were watching some TV... it's so comforting to know that life is as normal as it can get, for right now. We are anticipating moving back home this week and then I'll be able to have friends visit and playdates at the house when i am too tired/sick to go out. I have many friends that want to come and bring me to chemotherapy or stay with me once the mastectomy happens and it's all so hard at my folk's house...as it is, I feel like me and the kids have been such an imposition...it's been 9 weeks away from home! I'm hoping to reopen HHQ soon too...the extra money will come in handy as I'm already trying to organize for the holidays...just got some cute stuff for the Bitty and American Girl dolls at MaPetiteChou.com
We are definitely looking forward to seeing Kit Kittredge the movie....coming soon!

Especially for Heather - The cancer - Her journey Shared

One of the readers of this blog gave me a link to another mom's blog who writes about her many journeys...one with her daughter that blows me away and has me in awe of the Lord's power to comfort and heal all creatures great and small. But then she later became diagnosed with her own cancer. I read a little bit and the end of this passage touches me deeply...
I would love to copy and paste it...however I don't think that is the right thing to do without her permission. So I will post a link to it.

Blessings to Heather, her daughter Emma Grace and to her whole family. I have learned from you to be persistent with doctors and that Great Faith will carry us all through these times of life.

I hope my readers visit your blog and learn from your wisdom too...I know I will never meet you in real life...but somehow you have touched me deeply and infused me with some renewed strength for the upcoming months to come.

June 20, 2008

Bald or Bionic? Cancer won't keep me down!

So my hair was starting to fall out...this is a sample...GROSS, I know but this was just from a morning shake out prior to my morning shower...then in the shower...oh my gosh...it just got worse! So I begged my friends to shave my head....well, Kim (a.k.a. Deedaloos.com at Etsy.com) did the deed for me. What a friend!
I love you kim!
And Thank You from the bottom of my hear for the wonderful hats! My wool felt hair clips look great on them! These pics were taken prior to the shaving...my favorite one is the brown one! My head will be covered, and warm all year because of you!
Monday morning, over a cup of coffee she did it...a few tears later...this is what i looked like...So I am not used to it at all...my hair is so much a part of my identity...it's my security blanket...some thing to toss or twist when i'm nervous...
dd#3 (2 years old), stroked my cheek and said "hai cut mama? pretty!"
dd#2 (6.5 years old) said..."it looks like you are wearing a pony tail...that's all...it'll grow back"
dd#1 (8 years old) said..."it looks UGLY! Put your hat back on"
...leave it to a child to say what I'm feeling! I'm good enough inside to carry off this hair style for a little while. But it's not who I am and I will grow it out when the cancer is all gone. I will be me again...a better me....a BIONIC me!

The bionic woman became a visual image for me as a symbol of strength during one of my MRI's. The noise it made, made me think of the opening theme song of the 1970's version of "The Bionic Woman". All I could think of while I was lying there was "we can rebuild her!". So if I end up with bionic boobs when all this is over...then nothing will be able to bring me down again!
the baldness is creeping up from the bottom...and bald patches all over. ::sigh::
Enjoy this from youtube.com

June 14, 2008

Metaphore for my life...Sandtrap!

what good friends i have here in cyberspace...WhimzyPinzy a fellow EtsyMom has posted a comment at my flickr site about this picture. She has shared some wisdom about this picture and insight into my situation and I am grateful.

Hey Whimz...I see the green and I am only a few shots away! Then I'll come into the 19th hole and have a mudslide and a turkey reuben with the awesome fries that Loudon Country Club is famous for!

Now to return the favor...for those of you looking to knit or crochet some hats for cancer patients (hee hee...I'm sure your local hospital will take donated handmade chemo caps!)...or some socks or some afghans... Whimzy has awesome yarns all hand spun and hand dyed...check her out at Etsy.com and on her own website: WhimzyPinzyCreations.com.
Wow and as an adendum...she added a blog post about me...and a socks for cancer pattern...check it out...but don't forget to come on back to visit me again?!

June 12, 2008

Hanging in there....but not sure what day it is...

So ellie and I took a stroll through the golf course to take some pics for the newsletter...and she took this one...I suppose if you must know....I'm wearing the HAPPY face...it's keeping most folks fooled....but the sadness is back in spades.
Met with my priest this week with the hubby...it's such a hard place to be right now...wanting him to be there for ME but at the same time knowing he needs time to take care of himself....not sure where it's all going from here...just sad about it all.
My hair is falling out...been that way for 2 days now...it's unnerving...folks are telling me to get a shorter cut...i tried to do it yesterday while at a friend's house...but it's hard to make a friend do it...i can't even imagine how i'd be if this were happening to a close friend...they are great...every one of you...if you are reading this...are great....I have relied on you all so much lately...you are all such blessings.Really not focused today...just sad...but a friend shared a cool blog with me and I really wanted to share it with you all too..."Mother's with Cancer" it was helpful to read the posts...I don't feel so alone with it all. And I suppose I have to remember that I am never really alone...a staff member at my girl's school gave me a medalion today (which was really quite wonderful of her) that has an angel on one side and the words "You are not alone" on the other. I need to sing His praises as He carries me through most days lately. I need to stay positive and live in the LIGHT for that is where I will find peace.

Fighting the fight...but feeling weary as it's only just begun.

June 7, 2008

Day 11 Cycle one

  • How cute are they in their Gymbo turtles????
  • Sadness has lifted a little.
  • Sore throat today.
  • Horrible headache on Tuesday...in tears, called the hospital and was able to take tylenol...whew! Went to bed early and my folks helped with the kids...what would I do if I didn't have them right now????
  • Working at the golf course today with my brother.
  • Kids went swimming with Daddy this afternoon then came into the pro-shop to visit.
  • just found out yesterday that my next infusion is the 23rd not the 16th...RATS!
  • The 23rd is the last day of school for the kids. Bummer, mommy is going to be sick for the first 2 weeks of summer vacation :(

Sara turned 2 this week!

June 3, 2008

Day 7 Cycle 1 chemo Update

I was smiling on wednesday when they put the IV in me...but by Saturday I was soooooooooooo SAD!!! You know the feeling when you have had a pony tail in your hair for a long time and then you take the pony tail out...and your scalp is sore?
My whole body felt like that...from my scalp down to my toes...joint achiness, muscle aches, overwhelming sadness....weepiness took over....i was a MESS! I just wanted to crawl into a whole ...and not die...cuz that's what this is all about right?
NOT dying!!!???
so the days since have been a little better without so much achiness but the exhaustion is heavy and the sadness is present all the time...i just want to cry if anyone talks to me....
Calgon take me away....please! The kids are doing pretty good...dd#1 is being perfect....which totally scares me...she's even doing extra homework sheets with out being asked...she needed some extra help with her math...so she is doing it nightly! I'm keeping an eye on her!

dd#2 is a total whiner lately...but maybe she's feeling my pain and wants to just identify with me and my foggy head...she's more absent minded than usual...but they all can't be so well adjusted right?

dd#3 is potty training and is looking for a "TWEET" any chance she can get...a tweet=treat=m&m candies...one for sitting and one for doing her business....she's only 2! well she'll be two in 2 days...my other kids didn't potty train till 2.5 and over 3 years....something is going right!

Gratitude? someone told me to keep a happiness journal...what a good idea, btw!
I am grateful today to have a wonderful friend come up from NY and visit me this weekend. She came on Sunday and left today. It was so comforting to have her close by. My taste buds weren't awful last night and we went out to dinner and i got some yummy mashed potatoes with cheddar cheese melted on top form TGIFridays...worth a try...believe me!

I added the pic from a recent family portrait I had done with my mom and the girls. Obviously this was the old hair...boo hoo. I also wanted to let folks know the comments and wonderful positively positive ideas are priceless...what wonderful gifts! Thank you all so much! ~Jodi

To find more posts about my Art Therapy with my kids as I battle breast cancer...click here.

To find more posts about my journey through breast cancer...click here.

To find more posts about my chemo updates...click here.
(psst...this is the first one...so more to come soon!)