September 30, 2008
Wow, I don't always catch it...but Oprah is on right now...Christina Applegate is talking about her experience with being genetically positive for the breast cancer gene, as well as her double mastectomy.
Here's a link to the Q&A after the show with Christina's oncologist.
Check out Oprah.com for more links...but the bottom line...get your mamogram starting at age 35...Crap...wish my doctor told me I could have done that...i thought I had to wait till i was 40. Find out if there is a family history...that didn't do me much good as I am adopted...but if anyone in the family has it...don't blink...call and get a baseline! If you have dense breasts...yup, have those...then you probably need an MRI as a mamogram might not be sufficient to identify the cancer.
My cancer has been a blessing and a gift from God...but I don't want anyone else to have this gift...it's a hard gift to accept some days when you are a mom to 3 small kids trying to do it all.
Blessings to you all!
September 28, 2008
September 25, 2008
Ok, so this week has been a real kick in the face with the surgery date now set....but went to see the surgeons yesterday...and although i'm sooooooooooooooo tired today...they said that by October 28th, i'll be cancer free...
It's the best news in a long time!!!
I won't think about the disfigurement, pain, physical therapy or radiation this week...la, la, la.
September 22, 2008
October 27...i'm in shock...teary...it's really happening....Crap!
It's like trying to avoid eating the forbidden fruit...it will happen...ultimately...and I will have new enlightenment because of it...life with be harder because of it...the fall from grace can't be fun...kwim?
I need to seriously read scripture today...during nap time...i'm emotional and feeling very scared.
September 20, 2008
Oriah Mountain Dreamer
Canadian Teacher and Author
| It doesn't interest me what you do for a living|
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.
It doesn't interest me how old you are
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for your dreams
for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon...
I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life's betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.
I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your
fingers and toes
without cautioning us to
to remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me
I want to know if you can
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
I want to know if you can see Beauty
I want to know if you can be alone
© 1995 by Oriah House, From "Dreams Of Desire"
September 19, 2008
September 18, 2008
We finally had help from The Loudon Garage (my own repair man) that we recommended they call the night before....but of course they didn't. So Matt came at 6:10 AM and used a puffy pillow that he puffed up like a blood pressure cuff and pryed the door open and then pushed a long metal arm into the door...the sun roof was open a crack and with those new doors and buttons...he ended up sending the metal arm/hook into the crack to grab the keys...the keys wouldn't fit out the crack but they managed to hit the door unlock button....yikes...what turmoil!
So exhaustion was not even close to what I felt like...she wanted to drive...which was lovey...DH showed up to get the kids on the bus and to watch DD#3 for the day (he took the day off from work) and off we went...it's about an hour and 15 minutes to Lebanon, NH and it was a beautiful clear day. I feel so fortunate to have had chemo in summer in some ways...the extra light helped my mood and the kids out of school helped keep the germs down in the house...I will be more careful this time around though...dd#3 already has a runny nose...and so it goes, summer is almost over, sad but true...
So we got to the hospital and did my blood work...then met the clinical coordinator to my protocol, Christine...I still have to blog about all that...but my boobs get stuck in these holes and they do scans that may help assess how chemo treatment is affecting the tumor in future women that take adjuvent chemotherapy...it will be a good thing if it all works with good results...so if chemo is started but treatment is non-responsive according to the scan then the docs can adjust the medication regime...anything to assist pin pointing treatment response in a timely manner is a good thing...so i'm glad to help. It takes about an hour and a half for all the scans...one more to do before surgery.
Then a meeting with my oncologist, Dr. Kaufman. I showed him my aweful rash on my legs and they could be from a bug bites, poison ivy (which is virtually impossible as I don't go into the woods lately...ya' think?) or he said one of the TAC drugs can cause a rash in the torso but maybe I just have an atypical reaction to it. Either way using the steriod cream and now being on oral steroids will help clear it up. And now it's Thursday, and it looks so much better, and so much less itchy. whew!
I walked by this painting in the hospital and noticed it for the first time, I thought it was beautiful...but if you notice it's slightly fragmented, more or less like I feel most days. But the beautiful painting and the nice drive mixed with this beautiful day made me want to share it, RATS, I should give the artist credit...darn, I'll try to remember to go back and look it up when I return to meet with the surgeons next week.
Finally we got to the infusion room, I was soooo nauseous by then, maybe from the steroids? I actaully ate scrambpled eggs in the morning before we left too....which is one of the few things I can stomach lately, minimal taste and good protein...I just hate to cook them...the runniness of it all, just grosses me out...*sigh*,oh well, chalk it up to being a high manenance chemo patient.
So my body finally gave out~ they doubled up the anti-nausea drugs and gave them all to me IV, I was afraid to take them orally for fear of vomitting, then I crashed...I slept through most of the afternoon...no perky me, crafting and chatting, no talking up a storm with the friend that drove all the way from NY to take me to chemo...i felt so bad...but this is what it's all about, right?...maybe this is exactly what i needed, maybe it was Gina that helped me feel so relaxed and taken care of...to just rest...I Love You Gina!!! (tearing up here...deep breathing)
domestic goddess! ballerina? princess?
I need to feel all those things despite being bald, and feeling nauseous and ugly with a cancerous tumor in my left breast. Right? Are you with me??? Are you giggling yet? It's all about mental attitude so just ride this one out and humor me...k?
generously offered to help me commemorate my final chemo with a tutu!!! A PINK TUTU made just in my size!!! She has beautiful items for all ages and of course, she's an EtsyMom!Here I am! It caught everyone off guard and it made me feel silly...but it was a good silly...
So one chapter is finally shut in the book of my cancer journey,
CHEMO IS OVER, hopefully FOREVER!!!
...now on to focus on the mastectomy and then subsequent 30 treatments of radiation....and of course the reconstruction that can't happen till next summer...oh this is going to be a long story...
September 16, 2008
How sweet to be thought of...and to actually have someone share a link that made a difference in my evening!
So here is the link to "Become What You Believe" from Talk with the Preacher's blog.
And be sure to come back to my blog to hear the follow up chat about my chemo, the car keys and the tutu!
September 15, 2008
so we hugged and visited...the kids were psyched to see her as she is the Godmother to my dd#2...THEN...we realized what happened...she locked the keys in her car, her overnight bag, her crocheting, her life is in the car...
We have been up trying to get Honda's roadside assistance to come and unlock the door...with NO success...$800 for the service...it's a new car...what the heck????
We will try a local garage in the am...and try to FedEx the key for Tuesday's drive back to NY...but why can't Honda help her?????
chemo is tomorrow...no mater if we try to avoid going or not...it's always something! But with friends...it's all good...just think, she could be at a mall, alone, in darkness and the mall closing...what then??? So glad she is safe, with me, can borrow or wash her clothes, and I will feed her...yae! God will provide!
September 11, 2008
September 8, 2008
So the other day I was listening to someone discuss the meaning of a successful life. What is success? Now that I face my own mortality...i need to contemplate success...assess what left I have to do before my life will be fulfilled. Have I met my destiny? Is my life, the life that was created by God? Have I fulfilled His purpose for me? Have I lived for myself selfishly or have I lived and existed for God and praised his name in all that I do?
These passages speak to me on this topic.
Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord, is the Rock eternal.
There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit. There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. There are different kinds of working, but the same God works all of them in all men.
2 Corinthians 1:14-15
But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumphal procession in Christ and through us spreads everywhere the fragrance of the knowledge of him. For we are to God the aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing.
am I done yet and do I have more left to do in His name?
September 3, 2008
September 2, 2008
And for anyone that likes crocheted hats....ehem...anyone else bald like me???...you should really check out her store at etsy!!!
this is one of my favorites...I am imagining one of my Hair Quilts™ embellishing one of these beauties...but of course...giggle.