January 20, 2009

Thanks Deedaloos (aka Kim) it was fun for all!


check out Kim's post (click on words above) with pictures of cutting down our holiday tree with her family and the kids making cookies at her house one day during vacation while I had to go to radiation. I am so blessed to have amazing friends to see me and my family through this trying time of cancer.

January 12, 2009


So here I am, the new wigless me...hair is growing back and i'm wearing my favorite sweater...i'm always so cold. I think I might like the hair-do better if it were warmer.
I never want to be bald again...EVER, EVER, EVER!!!
I am so darn tired...I thought I was tired before radiation started...well, this is "can't pick your head up off the back of the couch tired". I keep my happy face on for the kids...but it's very draining. I feel heavy and just going through the motions most days. Plus I got a horrible cold this week.

I want my enthusiasm for life back...i miss that about myself. But this is my journey...I am following God's lead.

I found a new favorite breakfast to eat, the nutritionist recommended it...vanilla yogurt, blueberries and walnuts...oh it's sooooo yummy...every calorie counts and I'm trying to drink ensure during the days too to add more calories to my diet.

I go to see the oncologist on Thursday and hopefully will hear all about my upcoming year of treatment...oral meds or whatever cancer patients do after the big guns of chemo, surgery and radiation.

I heard from a fellow survivor last week that her cancer is back after 4 years...it totally makes me nervous...how long do I have? will the cancer ever come back...??? I know I need to get to 2 years, then 5 and it's 50-50 of getting to 10 years without a recurrence ...Sara will only be 12 and em will be almost 19, ellie 17...they will still have so much life ahead of them...ellie and I have a thing...she says "99" and I say "66" that's how old I will be when she is 66...oh the stories I will tell when I'm 99...I hope they make my hair curl!!!

I am so grateful to all my family and friends for being so supportive...it's so necessary when you go through this disease to have cheerleaders on the side lines...some days it's hard to remember who you used to be.

Oh my skin is itchy...time to take some more zyrtec (radiation causes your skin to burn and itch horribly). The kids are playing pet shop and it's almost time to do reading and hit the pillow...last night we had everyone in bed by 7:30!!! Really, lights out...it was awesome...except I tried a night without my sleeping pill and I was up every 2 hours....but I was able to go back to sleep!!! I consider that a success!


January 6, 2009

What cannot be shaken may remain - Hebrews 12:27

I haven't fallen off the earth...although I've had moments when I wish I could. Well...maybe just crawl into a hole for a few days...

Storms, cold temperatures, kids being on vacation for 2 weeks, a toddler with a horrible cold, holidays and daily radiation have kept me away from cyberspace. I also hate to post without a picture...so here is my image today...it represents my state of mind and body...cold and vacantwhat an amazing visual design?!?!?...a play of light and dark....it's hard to tell how deep the cover of snow is...a thin crust of ice get's formed on top...

We as people do this...cover our true selves up and then develop thick crusts to protect our tender hearts. Our humanness often blows with the wind and our moods, tricking others into seeing what is and is not there.

I am comforted by the Hebrews passage, "what cannot be shaken may remain" (Hebrews 12:27). I want to be steadfast in my faith...choosing forgiveness and seeing what the eyes cannot see, choosing to find the light...but knowing that with the Grace of Christ Jesus all will be worked out.
I do struggle with patience though. *sigh*

Here is a pic of the kids on Christmas :)And here is a pic of Sara with her new AG Julie doll...in her custom boutique made to match Gymboree doll clothes from MaPetiteChou.com

She loves being "same-same" with her doll!Too cute!
And the fact that Julie has butterfly underwear is actually jump starting her potty training again...hooray!

I'm going to try to get a picture of me and my "long" hair...it's about 1/2" to 1" long now...

radiation has me exhausted but thanks to my church's meals ministry I am able to eat good healthy meals with the kids through the week. It's a wonderful gift these meals...I'm down to 115 pounds now and want to stop loosing weight and maybe try to put some pounds back on.

My skin is irritated, itchy and very sore...2 1/2 more weeks to go of daily treatments...then time to heal...and breath a sigh of relief that most of the treatment is over.

May the strength of Jesus help you all through your struggles...I say with confidence that He is my savior, God bless.

Read about my original diagnosis here.

Read about Art Therapy and how my children and I have managed Cancer in a past post here.