I'm afraid to stop...

do you ever feel like if you stop moving you'll just collapse?

That's how I feel lately but I'm so scattered and fragmented....forgetting people's names, and calling them someone else....loosing track of everything in the house and thinking it's Sara but really I'm just not paying attention...

so i packaged up a pink ribbon pin for a customer yesterday...i clearly remember printing out the mailing label...but can't remember if i put it in the mail box and I can't find it anywhere in the house...i wouldn't worry so much but it's for a customer...so i sewed up another one last night and want to ship it again on tuesday...that's what my gut tells me to do...but do i contact the buyer and let her know i'm a total loon? or just mail her 2 and hope she get's both of them...???

and if she only gets one then I'll at least be ok with my policies?

I'm gearing up for another emotional moment...i got tearful lying in bed with Emily this morning (she wakes up at the crack of dawn!) She didn't like to see me cry...so i pulled myself together again.

My wholesale order is inches away from being shipped! So proud of myself! This batch of clips are going to a boutique in Arizona.

Still need to work on my art quilt...i haven't forgotten...school and the new fall routine is almost here....whew! 2 kid in full time school will be such a relief...for a bit...till the next vacation or school project or all the after school activities rev up.
*Sigh*

Fun with Flair

I'm new to facebook....and just figured out one of the features called FLAIR....or Pieces of FlairChocolate with vanilla frosting is my all time favorite!!!

It's addicting....and now a new marketing tool for me as you can attach your web address to the flair for others to use...

I had some fun with boo, moo and monkey too...

and how can I not include some pink....cupcake....

anyone want some of my flair?
Don't you think the internet is such a strange yet interesting place sometimes?

September 11th approaches...what can you do?

My memories of that fateful day...
(please feel free to share your memories in the comment section below...)
On September 11th 2001, I was watching Good Morning America with my oldest daughter (then 19 months) and 7 months pregnant with my second daughter...my parents were about to fly to Florida and were preparing to leave for the airport. My husband was at work. I sobbed all day and couldn't get the images of the towers falling out of my mind...but you know...as horrible as it is...life gets hard...and it's up to each of us as individuals to make this world a better place for all. Do we let our hearts grow hard and bitter or do we stand up and teach a new attitude to our children?

(my creation for Em's Kindergarten teacher as an end of the year gift...magnet attached to the back and her school photo enclosed inside with more collage...it was fun to make!)

Vote this election and participate in any form of community government to the best of your ability. Don't complain about the country unless you are able to stand up and do something to solve a problem...yes, it can start with one idea!

My dad always taught me...
don't give me more problems...give me more solutions!
Let's try to live that way more often!
God Bless America...Home of the Free and the Brave!

Please join us in this FLY THE FLAG campaign and PLEASE info with everyone in your world asking them to also share it. We have a little less than one week and counting to get the word out all across this great land and into every community in the United States of America .

I was emailed the original but really hate to bulk emails like this and the blog is a perfect soap box...so here it is.

THE PROGRAM:

On Thursday, September 11th, 2008, an American flag should be displayed outside every home, apartment, office, and store in the United States . Every individual should make it their duty to display an Am erican flag on this seventh anniversary of one our country's worst tragedies. We do this honor of those who lost their lives on 9/11, their families, friends and loved ones who continue to endure the pain, and those who today are fighting at home and abroad to preserve our cherished freedoms.

In the days, weeks and months following 9/11, our country was bathed in American flags as citizens mourned the incredible losses and stood shoulder-to-shoulder against terrorism. Sadly, those flags have all but disappeared. Our patriotism pulled us through some tough times and it shouldn't take another attack to galvanize us in solidarity. Our American flag is the fabric of our country and together we can prevail over terrorism of all kinds

Action Plan:

So, he re's what we need you to do ..

(1) Post the info on your blog. Please don't be the one to break this chain. Take a moment to think back to how you felt on 9/11 and let those sentiments guide you.

(2) Fly an American flag of any size on 9/11. Honestly, Americans should fly the flag year-round, but if you don't, then at least make it a priority on this day.

Thank you for your participation.

You are all brilliante in my book!!!

Thank you to Rosie's Cozies for sending me this award! I try to be a good person, and share and of course always create...and when others recognize your time and energy...it just touches my heart!

Be sure to check out her website for more amazing crocheted brilliance!

Now as part of being nominated there are rules so here they are.....

1. Add the logo of the award to your blog.
2. Add a link to the person who awarded it to you.
3. Nominate at least 7 other blogs.
4. Add links to those blogs on your blog.
5. Leave a message for your nominees on their blogs.

So here are my 7 picks.....
will try to contact them all as time allows in the next week...forgive my poor timing but chemo was monday.

Deedaloos
OneGirlieGirl
Wylestyle
CinnamonandSpiceCrafts
Craftgirlalli
MothersPreciousGems
BrileyKnits

hugs to you all...you all lift my wings in many different ways!

Chemo Cycle 5...one more to go!!!

5 down (well almost still need to go through the side effects for the next few weeks) and one to go!!! Whoo hoo!!!

Nausea has set in bad this time...note to self:brush teeth slowly and be careful when you brush your tongue as it will make you gag. Oh and if I was proud of myself before for not taking any of my anti-nausea meds...I'm equally proud of myself for bringing them with me to work today so that I could take them! Note to self: Don't travel with out meds!

This visit to the infusion room was with Brian again and looky, looky...he brought a drop spindle to play with ...note to self: bring toys! He made it himself and I told him we should put some kits together to sell on etsy for others to make them too...ya right, put it on the to do list...giggle.Ok a little bit of a fashion statement...i had a left over gift card to J. Jill from last christmas and just re-found it while my friend's from college came to visit...I love this sweater...it has a wrap effect...and will be perfect after the mastectomy...yippee...the infusion room was chilly and the meds going into my arm were exceptionally cold this time too...note to self: always dress in layers when going to chemo. Much fun!!!

So i'm wired on the steriods...oops forgot to take meds...will do that now...hopefully will be able to sleep tonight....Atavan...where are you? TTFN, blessings to all!

P.S. Sneak peek at new design...still working out the kinks...French barrette style...need a model...might use my wig...not sure...leave comments for me! TIA!

New Hair Quilts™ for fall/Halloween with only 2 days till school starts!

Look what a wholesale order inspired me to create...

New Fall 'o8 Designs!!!
Coming soon to an etsy near you!
These new hair clips are using a deep rich red, grey, black, white, pumpkin, garden green, orange, mellow yellow, nutmeg and brown wool felt.
I call them Hair Quilts™ as they are inspired by quilts...particularly the traditional oak leaf design that I absolutely love...

These are all on30 mm or 1.25 inch snap clips but small French Barrettes could be used as well...leaf placement and color selection varies depending on the size of the clip. Working on getting these shot with models...do you have a model for me? Contact me and you may be able to acquire a HHQ exclusive design FREE!
More larger ones are waiting to be sewn...just only so many hours in the day to avoid dealing with my illness, as well as making little girls and their mom's a little bit more fashionable...it's such great therapy for me! Sublimation is a beautiful thing!

Breast Cancer, it really does happen...be vigilant!

Here is the link to the mom that just found the "lesion"...prayers and support are always welcome.

Don't wait...get your mamogram especially if you feel sensations, warm, tingles...maybe it's been a sharp quick piercing feeling but it goes away quickly and you forget it even happened...those sensations are not to be ignored...both myself and this mom felt them and ignored them...thinking it couldn't be cancer...i hope it isn't, but get it checked out and don't let your practitioner allow you to minimize it...demand proper care, even if it's inconvenient!!!

blessings,
Jodi

Touching People's Lives...it's a constant journey to share with others.

So, this week has been crazy...last week of summer vacation for the kids...we had an Ice Cream Social to honor the end of the season yesterday ... a small gathering, that's all I could manage, not like last year...but it was still fun...I totally think I'm the old me, I was exhausted once everyone left, I forget how much rest I need during these chemo treatments even though it's the good week...the week I feel my best, I still get tired.

and school shopping...I have chemo on Monday and will be too tired to do any shopping of the sales after school started up, plus labor day and work...so I took the leap this week...20% off Gap outlet and 30% off Gymboree...just can't resist, emily had to get the hat and purse for the Rockstar line at the outlet today...how cute as she enters third grade...only to come home and drag buckets down from the attic and have the kids try on last years stuff and toss what looked stained and old, and sort what fit, take a moment to feel nostalgic with what they didn't want to pass on to their younger sibling...kids get so attached to clothes...and then clean out drawers...whew, it was a long day...

So, before the day ended I wanted to share what happened this morning.

I got an email that shook me up and reminded me of why I blog and why I share my journey of Breast Cancer.

Today I got a convo via Etsy.com and it was from a fellow EtsyMom which isn't too surprizing as there are over 1300+ of us out there connecting and supporting each other. But this message was a reaching out...to me, a kindred spirit of creativity and scary looking mammograms...someone who met me online at EtsyMom then stumbled back to my blog one day in July (as I was well on my way into hair loss from chemo by then).

She is 44, mother to 4 teens, and just went for a repeat mammogram for her annual check up...a quarter size "lesion" was found. I hope she will blog about her journey whichever her outcome ends up being, as they are going to biopsy her in 2 weeks...such a long time to wait...tick, tick, tick...the mind races as we all wait for those early appointments.

I feel privileged to have meant enough to someone whom I have never met...for this mom to reach out and connect to me, and hopefully not feel so alone in this journey...

I hate being alone.

So for anyone out there that doesn't feel connected to me enough to contact me...this is what I wrote to her...

{{{hugs}}}
I know the disbelief you speak of. It's a bizarre feeling...I think I have moments still of denial...the mastectomy looms over my head...denial is a coping mechanism but it will be shattered soon.
I do hope you end up finding nothing...but just in case- you could start searching on the internet for a local option for a second opinion...preferably at a teaching hospital. They (local hospital and teaching hospital) each gave me different courses of treatment. One said lumpectomy (stage 2), the other said under no uncertain terms MASTECTOMY with my option to do a double (stage 3), I wanted aggressive treatment and would drive further away to get it. I am pleased with my choice and my response to treatment is wonderful. Thank the Lord!

I want you to know that I am here if you need anything. This is why I write what i write at the (HappyHouseQuilts) blog, i know there are more women at etsy, etsymoms and in blogland that will be touched like we are. Know whatever your outcome, you will get through this! I hope it's a minor inconvenience for you, that they will investigate via ultrasound, biopsy, lab work and find nothing cancerous. But if they do find something suspicious, you have caught it early! Then you pray for no lymph node involvement and doctor's appointments and procedures become part of the fabric of your week/month. You will now be on the list for more careful checking (either way) which is also a blessing, mine was 3 inches and I wish we had found it when it was a quarter in size.

I have leaned on my faith so much during this time and it is HE that has carried me at times, I hope you have a strong faith as well.

Let me know and keep me in the loop...what's next? biopsy?
blessings to you,
Jodi

We really never know how many lives we completely touch. But blogging can help touch so many more...sharing is a good thing and I'm so glad to do it.

God bless all those diagnosed with breast cancer today and this week, bless those receiving treatments, those responding to treatments and those not responding. Bless those in surgery when you read this and bless those recovering with drains and missing body parts and many scars (both physical and emotional)...the emptiness women feel...the lack of wholeness...these are all feelings i anticipate and are, I'm sure, part of the whole journey. Bless the caretakers and bless the bystanders, bless the children that don't understand what is happening to their mom, the acquaintances...that offer meals or an ear to listen or just a smile in a store when their child stares at your wig that has become twisted or messed up by the wind.

Blessings to you today and know YOU touched someone's life today but you might just never know how or why...you touched them just by being YOU, and that is what God intended all along.

Gratitude

I watched a scrapbooking show early this morning on CreateTV and the first segment was to scrapbook about 7 things you are grateful for...do you think God was speaking to me or what??? We have a Gratitude Box that we keep out but honestly it has been collecting some dust...time to clean it up and start stuffing it full of everything there is to be grateful for!

so here they are...I hate being tagged...and won't tag anyone with this...but do encourage others to comment here or at their own blogs with things/people...anything really...that YOU are grateful for. Blessings to all!

1. The Lord above and my growing FAITH in Him to never leave my side.
2. My health...sounds weird...but the tumor is responding to treatment and that means my body is healthy and strong...it makes sense to me anyway.
3. My children (for as someone with Cancer recently said, "they are often my wings")
4. My close friends, who in many ways have become surrogate sisters to me...you know who you are :)
5. My ability to create and express myself via color, texture, stitching and composition.
6. My house and the ability to live independently.
7. The internet...for i have been exposed to so much through etsy, blogging, flickr, etsymoms, gymboutique, myboutiquespace....i have made friends, grown personally, learned much and expanded my horizons this past year and a half for sure!

Happy Girl

I have been playing this song lately, by Martina McBride, "Happy Girl"...like an anthem...and although I wish it was just the song and lyrics to embed into this post I found this youtube.com link and a lot of the images are pretty cool...so...thanks to the person for making the video part…and a special thanks to the writer of the song and to Marina McBride for singing it...it gives me many toe tappin' moments during this journey.

Emotional Permission

I woke up today at 3:40 am...insomnia sucks. But the time is worthy and I will spend it blogging. Expression is a good thing and this blog has been really therapeutic for me...I actually forget that people read it sometimes. Kinda’ like I forget that I'm bald, until I walk by a mirror, and see my reflection and wince. People keep telling me how strong I am being, how good I look...I honestly don't know what to say back to them...I guess I've been in denial...it helps to get through the day...but yesterday I was alone in the morning and my reality caught up to me.

I woke up yesterday about 4:30 am. I was alone in the house...it's a weird experience to be alone, a mother of 3 kids with constant activity, to have silence...only the birds outside to share the space with me. It was a beautiful morning so I opened some windows...

I made a small pot of coffee, and poured myself a cup. I avoided the television and wanted to just BE. So I felt a slight chill and curled up onto the couch with my new blanket from Eblankies and wow…the power of a soft cuddly, heavy blanket. I immediately started with the thoughts…CRAP…I have cancer. What does this mean? Last week was hard. I felt sicker than before and just wanted to lay on the couch and not do anything. I felt heavy and my mind felt jumbled. It’s like I’m in slow motion all the time. I have conversations but they don’t catch up with me for at least a half an hour. I feel spacey and lack concentration. It’s just not like me. I am usually multi-tasking and getting things accomplished. But that is ok…I will let myself take these weeks to just lay around…because there is a ton of work going on inside my body…I can’t forget that.

I was staring at pictures of my kids on the wall and relieved to know they were at my parents for the weekend (they take them each weekend, Sat morning- Monday morning so I can work weekends at the golf course). I knew I had a long shift ahead in the restaurant…10:30-close. I wanted to just take the morning or what there was of it and just relax, meditate, and refuel my soul.

So the song ("Happy Girl" by Martina McBride) goes “Cry when I feel like it, laugh when I feel like it!” Well yesterday morning was my morning to cry. It was safe without the kids around to see me. It was cathartic. It was releasing.

Cancer is, in my mind anyway, really similar to pregnancy. It’s a little surreal having something growing inside of you that you are unaware of at first. The nausea is similar yet different, the insomnia is similar yet different, the exhaustion is similar yet different. My body actually feels too heavy to move sometimes…and in the end I will have it removed surgically, SIMPLE right?. I had 3 c-sections and survived them all. No, I won’t have a baby to show for it, but maybe it’s my own rebirth…through this journey?

But I am also recently, a single parent, separated from my husband. I was realizing how ALONE I am! I hate being alone…I once went to a movie by myself and was really proud. But I didn’t like it…no one to talk to about the movie, to laugh about the funny parts or discuss the serious parts. I have good friends, many who have been so kind and generous with their time and kindness to me. But I am ultimately ALONE on this journey…who is here day in and day out to hug me? I can’t emotionally depend on the kids…that is just WRONG! I, am still, that little girl inside…waiting to be rescued or told that my boo-boo will be “all better” soon. This blanket covered me in softness like a hug, it was heavy and it felt so safe to cry and look out the window at the flowers and trees. It comforted me. I cried some more. Looking at my 3 small girls in the picture…wow, these little girls are growing up with a mother who has cancer. But they are also growing up with a mother who is FIGHTING cancer. A mother who will BEAT cancer and WIN!

Surgery looms in the near future. What will it be like for them when I go into surgery…I worry so much about them. What will it be like recovering from surgery with drains and the inability to lift Sara into my arms. Gosh, they say I won’t even be able to lift my arm to dress myself. I know I’ll be staying at my folks house for a while after to help me and the kids…but I’m 40 years old…and my mother is going to be helping me get dressed? It’s so bizarre! I don’t want to be so dependant on everyone. I want to be ME again…Independent, Social, Energized. Cried some more.

Tears stream down my face as I write this. It felt good to let it out yesterday. It feels good to let it out now.

Then I called a friend. “Hi, it’s me, do you have 5-10 minutes to talk, I’m sad”. My friend also has 3 kids about the same ages as mine…but like the amazing person she is…on a Sunday morning, she took the time to talk to me and just listen. What a gift she gave me. I was not alone, I will not ever need to feel isolated because I have created this world, this microcosm of interpersonal relationships. Maybe God has led me here. Maybe God gave me the tools to create these friendships with these people in my life to help me through this moment in time. Someone emailed me a great letter and suggested this very thing…and I think she’s right.

I AM strong. I CAN do this. I can rally the troops and lean on friends and family when I feel weak or tired. I will get through this and I will be better for it. It IS a gift from GOD, this cancer. He gave it to me and now he is allowing the medicine to make it go away…it’s still shrinking BTW *grin*.

My marriage is another journey I travel and God will lead me through that as well. The Holy Spirit watches over my girls and guides them in their days.

So my tears are gone…and I’m picking the kids up in a few hours and the week will be filled with energy and activities. I do look forward to school starting up again, getting back to some routine. But this summer was good, despite chemo and cancer, much better than I thought. I am grateful to the Lord for each HAPPY day.

Blessings to you, Jodi

Chemo cycle 4 update

So here I am in my comfy chair on monday...Brian my crafting buddy escorted me as I am too woozy to drive afterwards...sporting the wig...and bummed you can't see the cute hydrangea bobby I made just for the day...rats...will have to take another pic and upload it later...I sure do look happy...but it's the days after that I don't capture in pictures...scarey!
Brian is making his mom a shall with wool spun by him! It's wool from rare sheep in the UK...i keep forgetting the names of them...rhymes with Scotland...rats, cotland maybe? I'll get back to you on that....sleep deprivation (aka insomnia) and toxins on the brain have me all confused.
I certainly don't need one of these...but I wish i could kick back with a cocktail and relax this summer...new design...do you love it? need to make it in pink for a cosmopolitin and a few more treats...stay tuned...this one went to a special bartender friend that hooked me up with all kinds of wig treats from her aunt's shop, A Special Place.

I just added this pick to use it as a metaphore...feeling like i'm floating alone somedays, but at least I'm moving in the forward direction...right?

Hey thanks to my chemo buddy Sara for this poem...hope she starts her blog soon!

Worthy of My Friends

It is my joy in life to find
At every turning of the road
The strong arm of a comrade kind
To help me onward with my load.

And since I have no gold to give,
And love alone must make amends,
My only prayer is, while I live-
God make me worthy of my friends.
-Frank Dempster Sherman

It's been busy with the kids...but browsing Etsy and found these...

I absolutely think these are great!

With permission from the shop keepers I am posting these "Cute Creations"
First let's start with something I'm thinking about for my 2 year old for her stocking stuffer...

DuckySoaps at Etsy.com
or click on the photo for a direct link to the listing...I'm quite certain they can make more!
autumntomay's shop at Etsy.com
or click on the photo to take you directly to the collage listing

C for Cure - Collage no. 4

The shop keeper is also a survivor...blessings to all survivors today, I hope to be one soon!
Cycle 4 of chemo is tomorrow.

Search Cancer Awareness at Etsy.com