June 3, 2009

On a scale of 1-10

So the last few doctor's appointments the nurses have asked me about my pain and fortunately I am not in extreme pain but the expander does make it's presence known. It's a weird lump. I will take motrin as I need it...but who knows, is it because I'm stressed over my life, or doing too much physically? Having an almost 3 year old that head butts you and wants to still be picked up and cuddled daily can't help the discomfort factor either. My whole shoulder aches as does much of my body. I still feel like I'm in slow motion most days. That annoys me big time.

I hate the question though. On a scale of 1-10? What does that mean. Why do I have to classify my pain or my quality of life right now?

But I am trying to focus on my life today compared to a year ago...the utter chaos then...not so much fear...not sure if denial is still present, maybe, but fear hasn't really entered my mind much. Thinking about it all, it doesn't seem like it happened to me.

So one year later? I'm doing darn good (reletively speaking)! The Lilacs smelled amazing and the garden is blooming! My expectations have been scaled down quite a bit. I don't expect to live on the Autoban or even the speed lane of the highway anymore like before. Bopping down a country back road is going to have to due. I can't rally the troops and organize big get togethers with my mommy friends...I have all I can do to keep things stable for me and the kids, and keep the house organized. My girl friend asked me how the kids were doing...and I am judging that answer on their school work (whichtheir report cards have been fine) and potty training success (still wearing pull-ups at night) as well as getting along with peers (no major drama).

Creativity still carries me through most days. My mom wanted me to make her a purse once she saw my tote. She did the knitting and then I helped with the felting, lining and design of the iris. I have included the inspiration from my garden.

So I'm glad to have posted...sorry to be so quiet...but like I said...it's like slow motion over here and most days I just let it flow and try not to get all frustrated with myself.
Live and Let God.
I will try.
Blessings to you all.


  1. Love the bag. If I make it to the end of the day I figure I am doing good. Just recognizing one's limitations is huge, and learning to say "no" without guilt is important too. Hang in there - I hope to see you soon!

  2. Glad to see you posting again, I have missed your posts! ~Amy

  3. You are an AMAZING and resilient woman! I LOVe your spirit and miss you much!

  4. Jodi-
    This is how I wish we'd all live our lives ALL the time! Maybe cancer teaches us that the rat race is really for those whose life doesn't amount to much anyways. Our lives have become so much more, and cancer has opened our eyes. God's creation is so beautiful, but we rarely stop long enough to admire it or process it like you have. You are doing exactly what He would want you to be doing - being a mommy and taking one day at a time, relishing in His creation and everything that unfolds from it. That inspires me to slow down and enjoy the peace that comes from it. I look here often for your posts. You are such a strong person for me to look to as I walk this breast cancer journey behind you.
    Love, Koryn