Recon tomorrow...yikes

Sorry for being so quiet...this summer was so busy with working, kids, babysitters...driving...making french fries...ahhh it will be good to get a break.

Well kinda...I finished working 2 days ago but today is my only day to get it all together as tomorrow i go for more surgery.

Reconstruction.
I have been saying...they are going to be putting me back together. Am I nervous? I haven't had time to absorb it all...but a year from now I'll be happy it's over. Denial is a powerful defense mechanism isn't it?

I have been knitting...and felting...this one was for my friend Gina...a tote in green and purple...i like the geometric pattern that I added to it...i've been finding much pleasure in the redundancy of knitting...it's been rhythmic and meditative...very healing...it's been forcing me to sit with the silence and manage the anxiety one stitch at a time. My mind races and I get distracted so easily. My memory isn't good...so this really helped me to focus on a task.

I've been listening to Christian radio daily and listening to Contemporary Christian music...my favorite is Fernando Ortega...these have helped me immensely! My personal relationship with Jesus is growing...which has given me such comfort this year.

This winter I will try to post more...but please don't forget that life happens...I'm just trying to stay afloat.
May your day be filled with peace, joy and the light of Christ.

And this too shall pass...

I leave today for the drive up to the medical center as I have to be there very early in the morning. My parents are taking me and staying with me until Tuesday when I will be discharged. Not sure what to expect or what condition I will be in...keep posting here and please keep phone calls to a minimum as i recover. I believe a friend will post my status in the next day or so.

Chemo was bad, I never want to go through that again...this is going to be under anesthesia (which is good) and then each day i'll heal...every few weeks I'll get saline added to the expander and next summer another surgery...but that is very far off...in the mean time I'll have daily radiation to keep me occupied this winter.
My parents will be in the waiting room for 3-5 hours...my prayers are with them as they struggle to help me in so many ways. Thanks be to God for having me move to be close to them.

My children will be with friends and my gratitude is with those that will be watching them for me as well. Amazing women (and a great guy) are all around us...but we have to work at relationships...i don't have sisters and I really consider many of my friends to be lifers...sisters in a sense...I do hope to pay all this attention that they have heaped onto me forward to another friend some day. Just hope it's for a better situation and not cancer.

The small wall quilt above is a piece my middle DD did these past couple of months. We worked on it together but she lead the process. She calls it "Sunshine" and she has identified all the flowers to be "mommy and her girls" (mommy is the biggest). Kids are amazing...this is such a great visual hug from afar, I guess I'm doing something right?
blessings to all, as always.

The mail came...

Guess what came in the mail today??? My mastectomy date...whoo hoo
October 27...i'm in shock...teary...it's really happening....Crap!

It's like trying to avoid eating the forbidden fruit...it will happen...ultimately...and I will have new enlightenment because of it...life with be harder because of it...the fall from grace can't be fun...kwim?
I need to seriously read scripture today...during nap time...i'm emotional and feeling very scared.