May

It's May and life is still strumming along, climbing more mountains...more in love and all check ups are good.  Still go every 3 months to keep me in menopause with the medication Zoladex and I get Zometa every 6 months and take Exemastane daily.  My annual mammogram on my right side was yesterday...kinda brought up some sadness as this is how it all started...but it's all good...one foot in front of the other :)

This year we will camp with a camper...a pop-up really...but it's going to be a fun summer!  The kids and I appreciate you all and hope to inspire if only a few people through their own journey and the struggles they face.

Blessings are everywhere!  Jodi

LIfe is there for the taking...these days!

Almost 4 years later after being diagnosed (3/08)...

I suppose 4 years ago, my mammogram was done and they wanted me to do a repeat and check out a few things...I was without insurance and didn't see the big deal in waiting...oh I had no idea what was in store for me?!

But that was then.

Amazing things are happening to me, now...to my life...for the girls...I can not thank the Lord enough..thanks aren't what He wants though...but to be glorified...as without Him...none of this wonderful life could be taking place. I have an amazing job, coming up on my year anniversary (2/14/11)...a wonderful man has entered my life with his children and together we make 7...time will tell what the future holds...but for today I will soak it up and breathe it all in!!!!

In reference to this past post...

These days I say, "my life is full of Love, Prosperity and Abundance!"

Cancer stinks as an adult...worse for babies :(

http://www.laylagrace.org/
Check it out and donate if you can.

The Secret is out...spring has sprung!

A beautiful day on tap today...took a wonderful walk with my daughter #2 and enjoyed listening to the wind talk to the trees. I am facing a new chapter this year and am loving so many parts of it. We got out yesterday and hit the driving range for opening day at the golf course. It's so nice to be the "customer" now!We definitely had a ton of snow this year with a foot or so falling on April 1st!But it allowed us to ski and skate this year, and I must say the kids did amazingly well! They had never done either sport before and em and el are confident enough on skis to travel all the way to the summit, providing they only follow the green circle trails. We were able to travel to Rangely, ME and went to Saddleback Mountain too...it was a blast as we were able to visit with cousins.

I began a new job back in February which has brought me so much pride. I get to be a community liaison for a health care company which is similar to what I did in my past life before kids and cancer. I am still in my first 90 days and hopefully they keep me ;) It is year round work with benefits and I was able to afford to buy a car of my own for the first time in my life! Past cars were either hand-me-downs from family or company cars. It was very empowering going to negotiate for the "deal" by myself, no man in sight!

I have a great group of friends that come to my home on Mondays to knit and on Wednesdays our local library started a knitting group as well. It is still the best therapy for me and my anxiety! I am knitting a cardigan...it's been ripped out or "frogged" once already, so we will see if I can complete the project. Completion is a goal and I was able to complete many smaller projects for holiday gifts this year...and a few for myself :)

So no longer dating and feeling quite sad about the loss of a dear sweet person in my life...I am charting a new course and determined to keep chugging along and allow my heart to be open to what the Lord presents to me...in HIS time...HE will show me the way.

2011 is off to a great healthy, prosperous year! I have been exposed to the dvd/book "The Secret" and try to live the philosophy...so several years ago I was on the beer cart working Saturday mornings and chanted to myself each shift, "my life is full of prosperity and abundance". Well, I must say...it came true! I challenge you all to try it! Be well dear readers.

Blessings,
Jodi

2010 Was a VERY Good Year!

Hello...and let me say thank you to anyone that visits me and who puts up with my long absences. My new mission is to LIVE and not loose time anymore doing things that distract me from soaking up all the goodness that the good Lord has offered me. :)

I am well this 2010 as are all my family and friends. I have been disease free for just over 2 years now and still on the Femara, Zometa, and Zoladex. I am showing uncomfortable signs of joint pain...in my feet, hips, elbows and shoulders which gets me down but I take ibuprofen and it seems to help me manage it better. The mornings are the worst. I was able to get a spinal mri recently due to the back pain as Dr Kaufman wanted to make sure the cancer didn't spread to my bones...all they found was Degenerative Disc Disease...oh is that all? You can see how there is white in all the discs except the bottom ones...they are not filled with as much fluid anymore and that is what is causing the pain and the spasms when i twist or lift wrong or too much. I suppose being on my feet all day doesn't help much either. I love seeing what MRI's show...
This next picture was taken at a rugby game at NEC during homecoming weekend in October. It was a blast! One of the players actually landed at Emily's feet trying to catch the ball! I got to see a bunch of old friends and had the rare feeling of time travel as I felt like it was 25 years earlier.

The girls are getting so big and life is never boring...Ellie took archery this year and got a bow for Christmas (we got her a right handed one and still need to switch it to a lefty though). Em is now a "working girl" as she does "mother's helper" hours with my next door neighbor. It is such a win-win situation...emily loves feeling needed and the 2 little ones love having her attention. The mom loves being able to fix dinner without little one's distracting her and my other 2 like having some quiet time after school. I'm happy that she is developing positive self esteem and gaining confidence as she grows. I also remember that hard age and liking having other women (other than my mom) to talk to. You can never have too many female role models for young girls!
Ellie ran her first 5 k this year and as a matter of fact I participated in a 5k this year too...but walked most of it. We also climbed 2 mountains Kearsarge and Cardigan
(I still can't believe I did it!) and did some hiking near Lake Winnepasaukee too! with great friends :) This pic was taken with my phone using a panoramic setting...so cool!
I have to say that climbing isn't so much fun...but the view is spectacular! And after that spinal exam...the doctor told me I had to KEEP MOVING! So there you go...more mountains to climb!This one is at Attitash where we went on the alpine slides and the kids got to try rock climbing...even sara did a great job! I was so fortunate to meet up with my internet chemo buddy Sara and her family there and we were able to get to the top together...but then again we aready had. It was such a marvelous metaphor though...it made us both cry...who would have thought we could have been together there...at the top 2 years ago?!?!?! Certainly not us! She told me of her friend that led her to me (well my Etsy shop) that had suddenly passed away earlier that spring...it's hard to imagine the plan that God has for us...how we all touch eachother in ways we sometimes don't even know.

Merry Christmas to you all and a Happy New Year! Blessings, Jodi

I'm still here...REALLY!

Wow...has it been since january since i last posted? I guess it's the ebb and flow of illness...i retreated to a solemn place...a place to let my brain catch up with the world and what became of my body. I nested with my kids all winter as I was laid off and could hold them again...what a joy it is to hold my (now 4 year old) baby!!! For 2 years she couldn't be picked up by me...and now she can...as long as i sit down real fast...she has gotten soooo big!

My weight dropped quite a bit this past winter, down to about 115...but it's July now and I've put 10 lbs back on :)

I'm back at work at the golf course...working over the grill...oh the heat...these 90 degree days are taking their toll. I have less energy but really don't mind too much...it makes me slow down and appreciated the kids more. Those days with sprinklers and slip 'n slide and friends to share them with.

I listen to Air1 quite a bit now...and my favorite singer these days is Francesca Battistelli.


I am attending Soulfest this year with friends...and I am soooooooooooooooo excited! I hope we can make it through the day to see kutless.

This song is awesome! (Find more info about the song and band here)
5. What Faith Can Do
Everybody falls sometimes
You gotta find the strength to rise
From the ashes and make a new beginning
Anyone can feel the ache
You think it’s more than you can take
But you’re stronger, stronger than you know

And don’t you give up now
The sun will soon be shining
You gotta face the clouds
To find the silver lining

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do

It doesn’t matter what you’ve heard
Impossible is not a word
It’s just a reason for someone not to try
Everybody’s scared to death
You may decide to take that step
Out on the water
But it’ll be all right

Life is so much more
Than what your eyes are seeing
You will find your way
If you keep believing

Overcome the odds
When you don’t have a chance
(That’s what faith can do)
When the world says you can’t
It will tell you that it can

(Repeat Chorus)


So knitting has slowed down a bit but I will get back to it as the days grow cold again. Now I'm trying to have fun being a craftysoul and practice my golf game.

I have been having an awful time with my elbow/arm (left side) and lower back pain. So Dr. Kaufman wants to run some bone scans and an MRI of my spine to rule out bone cancer. He x-rayed the elbow...wish it were something simple...cuz it really hurts...it wakes me up and the numbness does too...will sleep ever just be the wonderful slumber it used to be...ever???

My life is getting along...moving into the next phase of Survivorship...side effects...gratitude and moving on!

Blessings,
Jodi

Still knitting for sanity

Simplifying my life these days...still have aches and twinges, recovery comes slowly...my oncologist might be giving me some different medicine to keep me in menopause as I think my body is coming out of it but other medicine needs me to stay in menopause to work well (taking any medicine daily just sucks)...still have days where i don't want to lift my head off the pillow and face the day...but trying to just take one day at a time...or rather one stitch at a time...also been listening to audio books and Christian radio (air one and local station)
just not chatty lately...but thinking it's all part of the journey...

Blessings to you all....Happy New Year

Recon tomorrow...yikes

Sorry for being so quiet...this summer was so busy with working, kids, babysitters...driving...making french fries...ahhh it will be good to get a break.

Well kinda...I finished working 2 days ago but today is my only day to get it all together as tomorrow i go for more surgery.

Reconstruction.
I have been saying...they are going to be putting me back together. Am I nervous? I haven't had time to absorb it all...but a year from now I'll be happy it's over. Denial is a powerful defense mechanism isn't it?

I have been knitting...and felting...this one was for my friend Gina...a tote in green and purple...i like the geometric pattern that I added to it...i've been finding much pleasure in the redundancy of knitting...it's been rhythmic and meditative...very healing...it's been forcing me to sit with the silence and manage the anxiety one stitch at a time. My mind races and I get distracted so easily. My memory isn't good...so this really helped me to focus on a task.

I've been listening to Christian radio daily and listening to Contemporary Christian music...my favorite is Fernando Ortega...these have helped me immensely! My personal relationship with Jesus is growing...which has given me such comfort this year.

This winter I will try to post more...but please don't forget that life happens...I'm just trying to stay afloat.
May your day be filled with peace, joy and the light of Christ.

Then you "stand" by rascal flatts

Love, Love, Love this song by rascal flatts...

I listened, REALLY listened, to it today on the way home from the oncology appointment...this video could have been better but the ending is good with the words to encourage...but try to not be distracted with the imagery so much...just shut your eyes and listen.

I was discouraged today, not by results, but just the long drive and having to go...i want the chapter to close and put my life back together and find the new normal...i feel kinda like the break dancer that spins on his head in the video...or the girl who throws the piano chair in a fit...each time I go back only to be told...things are fine...or your labs appear fine...is so frustrating...can't i go back to living unaware...checking in once a year? I can see how follow up with cancer survirors is difficult....it wears you out and you feel like what's the point...it (the cancer) is gone...but then another appointment is scheduled and you are reminded of the reality...that it (the cancer) could come back at any point...not that you are supposed to live with that reality...heaven forbid you walk around with a black cloud over your head...positive thoughts will keep it away...right?...living in denial is easier said than done when you are brought back to the smell of the infusion room...I walk by it each time I go to the hospital...it makes me sick to my stomach all over again.

...but doctor kaufman tells me checking my blood work monthly is needed...and how can I be so ungrateful, is impetuous a good word to use?...how can I be so ungracious...last summer I faced chemo...and this summer I don't...that's a good thing...but I guess it's all part of the grieving process we "Survivors" go through...my anger is leaking...

...but better that it get out of me...I surrender...Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done...those words are a hard pill to swallow some days...

enjoy the song...blessings, Jodi

On a scale of 1-10

So the last few doctor's appointments the nurses have asked me about my pain and fortunately I am not in extreme pain but the expander does make it's presence known. It's a weird lump. I will take motrin as I need it...but who knows, is it because I'm stressed over my life, or doing too much physically? Having an almost 3 year old that head butts you and wants to still be picked up and cuddled daily can't help the discomfort factor either. My whole shoulder aches as does much of my body. I still feel like I'm in slow motion most days. That annoys me big time.

I hate the question though. On a scale of 1-10? What does that mean. Why do I have to classify my pain or my quality of life right now?

But I am trying to focus on my life today compared to a year ago...the utter chaos then...not so much fear...not sure if denial is still present, maybe, but fear hasn't really entered my mind much. Thinking about it all, it doesn't seem like it happened to me.

So one year later? I'm doing darn good (reletively speaking)! The Lilacs smelled amazing and the garden is blooming! My expectations have been scaled down quite a bit. I don't expect to live on the Autoban or even the speed lane of the highway anymore like before. Bopping down a country back road is going to have to due. I can't rally the troops and organize big get togethers with my mommy friends...I have all I can do to keep things stable for me and the kids, and keep the house organized. My girl friend asked me how the kids were doing...and I am judging that answer on their school work (whichtheir report cards have been fine) and potty training success (still wearing pull-ups at night) as well as getting along with peers (no major drama).

Creativity still carries me through most days. My mom wanted me to make her a purse once she saw my tote. She did the knitting and then I helped with the felting, lining and design of the iris. I have included the inspiration from my garden.

So I'm glad to have posted...sorry to be so quiet...but like I said...it's like slow motion over here and most days I just let it flow and try not to get all frustrated with myself.
Live and Let God.
I will try.
Blessings to you all.

Survivor Day is every day

Here is the final image of the "Save the Date" card for Survivor's Day :)

In some ways I'm so proud to be a part of this event and in other ways I wish I never was a part of this "club"
But...
Gratitude to the Lord should overcome all other feelings...as it will bring me through.

...blessings to you all today.

Sunshine ahead! Bring it on!

Yesterday was 90 degrees outside and I returned home from work by about 3 ish. It was hot...it felt good...but then a hot flash hit and total lack of appetite had distracted my attention. Anyway I managed to drink 2 ensure shakes and have a little bit of pasta. Thank you so much Christina for caring for my kids while I am working this summer. She is amazing to come to my house at 6:30 am for me to get to work by 7.

I was on the beer cart at the golf course for most of my shift...it was comical...the breaks don't work on the cart that well and it kept stalling. I had no sunscreen (I know, I know...i will get some today) and was afraid I would be slow counting the money. All in all it was a learning experience and I didn't end up in a water hazard :)

This past week was school vacation and I felt like everyday was a never ending task list of driving the kids to babysitters and back to the club. We did manage to get them swimming twice (thank you Kim and Christina) and Emily played 18 holes with my mom on Friday. The weather will be nicer each week now so Ellie is desperate to play too. I actually got to play a week ago while the kids were at my in-laws. 7 holes anyway...about 8 whifs...but I was focusing on making contact with the ball and I was proud of my accomplishment. My left arm was sooooo sore though...i suppose it's good PT after the surgery.

I love the sunshine...i just want to drink it up...feel the heat on my body and let go of feeling frail and chilled to the bone all the time. That's all I have for an update...sorry it's on the fly but the kids are all waking up for the full day ahead and I can't be distracted. TTFN. Blessings to you all.

Little Things make you Grin

Life with 3D glasses...

Each bite is yummy!

Seconds please!
Mimi and the big girls :)

Proud mom gushing

I attended the school concert for my kids last night...here are some clips...I'm so proud of them.

PMA

This ringtone cracks me up! click on the orange arrow.
Positive metal attitude includes smiling every day...have fun!

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